If this blog were Unsolved Mysteries, you’d be hearing Robert Stack’s smokey, smooth voice saying… “Update!” (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go ahead and die.)
Anywho, I don’t mean to turn this into a Miguel Cabrera blog, but I had to update you fans on the status of the Tigers’ premier slugger of both home runs and miller lite.
The lovely, young gentleman to the left is none other than Detroit Tigers first baseman, Miguel Cabrera. No, he’s not wearing his on-field uniform in this picture. He’s wearing the uniform worn by residents of the St. Lucie County jail. As many of you know, young Miguel was arrested last week for driving while intoxicated. Basically, Miguelito decided to get drunk, drive his car, get pulled over, take a swig of whiskey (which he had in his car) in front of a deputy, resist arrest, get beaten 3 times with a night stick and, finally, go to jail. Sounds like a fun Saturday night!
What a difference two years makes. Here is a picture of Michael Vick with a dog. The difference? That this dog isn’t hanging upside down from a chain and being electrocuted to death with a cattle prod. Don’t worry, friends. I’m not going to go on a rant on how Michael Vick should get prodded with batons, injured, forced to fight for money, or whatever else these crackpot dog loving weirdos think he deserves.
Ladies and Gentlemen (You know who is who)
It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, there’s no fat man coming down the chimney to give you presents. First of all, there aren’t that many fat baseball players anymore. Secondly, Bobby Jenks and Prince Fielder probably wouldn’t come down a chimney unless there was pizza in the fireplace. Cecil Fielder might come down the chimney, but it would probably be to rob you, because he’s a poor sack of shit now. Anywho, it is finally fantasy baseball time!!!
It’s Super Bowl Sunday. You’re at a solid party at your friend’s beautiful home. You have some wonderful food, a tasty imported beer, and a big HD TV to watch on. Pretty perfect environment to watch football in. You don’t quite know everybody there, but they are all friends of your good friend the host, or of his lovely wife, so you are fairly comfortable and excited to share your experience with these people.
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